Growing Up?
by babybel
Summary: When Smithy is hit with the harsh reality of life will he face up to his responsibilities or take the easy way out? KS
1. Chapter 1

**Growing Up**

**Chapter One**

"I'm pregnant Smithy" There, she had said it. For so long now those dreaded three words made Kerry anxious every time she saw his face.

The sheer horror of these words set Smithy aback, unable to stand he felt like someone had dealt a massive blow just as he had plucked up the courage to tell Kerry what was on his mind.

The silence was killing her and she desperately wanted to know how he felt,

"Say something Smithy, I don't like it when you go quiet on me" She tried to joke about it but it was clear from both their bodies that it wasn't a laughing matter.

"I don't know what to say Kerry I thought we were over that's why I called you into my office, I needed to tell you that were over for good I don't want to spend my life messing around in meaningless relationships. Kezia wants to make a go of our relationship properly and I want that to"

She just stood there unable to speak; so many emotions plagued her mind. She felt anger, pain, rejection but most of all resentment to the other woman that he spoke about .

Finally she managed to speak, biting her lip she tried to control some of her bitter emotions but let enough seep through so that Smithy had got the message.

"So where does that leave me then, I'm just disposed of because I'm not needed anymore. I'm having a baby for Christ sakes, our baby; but I guess we mean nothing to you because we don't fit in with your happy family plan with Kezia"

As the words began to project from her lips her anger turned into fear as she knew she may be left alone once more.

"I didn't ask for this Kerry" Smithy was intent on getting his side across so much so that he forgot about Kerry and her feelings, something that he had always tried to protect.

"And you think I did Smithy. What's happened to you lately, I used to be in love with the old Smithy but I'm not sure who he is anymore."

Their conversation was disrupted by a knock at the door, it was Kezia.

"Hey I was just seeing if you were coming to the pub tonight" She smiled at him before changing her expression when she saw Kerry's reddened eyes.

After discussing his relationship with Kerry to Smithy she had given him an ultimatum and it was clear that he had chosen her over Kerry, realising this she smiled.

"Erm… I don't know if I do ill meet you there" He tried to be as abrupt as he possibility could as he wanted to address the problem with Kerry as quickly as he could.

"Look we cant talk about this now, come to mine after work tomorrow and we'll talk" Smithy's tone changed to a tired, frustrated one as he knew that he couldn't say anything right on the subject.

"What about Kezia, won't she be there?" Her voice tinged with a strong whiff of sarcasm which didn't go unnoticed.

"Kerry don't make things harder than they already are."

It was pointless fighting him and with that she went to the locker room.

Before proceeding to the male locker room Smithy sat back in his leather chair and wiped his hands slowly across his face as he sighed. Why could nothing in his life ever go right?


	2. Gone for good?

**Growing Up**

**Chapter Two**

The take away menu was pinned comfortably on the pin board in the kitchen. For Smithy this was so much easier than putting them in a drawer because since there was never a permanent woman in his life takeaways seemed to be a regular occurrence. Neither of them said anything as they scanned the menu for a suitable dish, Kerry opted for a mild dish leaving nothing to chance with the baby. After last time she was determined to do everything in her power to make sure her baby was safe, and that included keeping disputes to a minimum. Something she feared would be a problem tonight.

"I'll just have a korma thanks, I don't want to risk have anything too spicy" Kerry said as she laid a suggestive hand on her flat stomach.

Smithy looked down to her stomach and cleared his throat in a blind movement of panic,

"Well I'll just have my usual then" He replied, quickly changing the subject away from that _thing _that Kerry was touching protectively.

"Let me guess, madras and a Sag Aloo; you never change Smithy." Kerry's desperate attempt to change the mood and prove how well she knew Smithy backfired in her face as soon as he spoke again.

"Actually I have Bhuna now, Kezia has got me into it; you can try some if you want" His constant talk of Kezia hit Kerry with such a force that a lump rose in her throat just as her eyes misted over into a translucent haze.

"No I'm fine thanks; as I said im not having anything spicy. It's not worth the risk." Her tone was bitter in complete contrast to the way she felt inside.

The takeaway was soon ordered and Smithy followed Kerry into his lounge while holding a bottle of beer, the cold temperature of its surface cooling down his hands from the heat he was feeling.

"I've thought a lot about this baby since I last spoke to you Smithy, if you want me to have an abortion im not sure I can. I feel so strange at the moment, im scared I wont deny that but for once I feel like a belong, like I have a purpose and because of that I just couldn't go through with it"

"You know I'd never want to hurt you intentionally don't you but I'm just not sure if im father material Kerry." He knew he shouldn't but deep down he cursed the baby for coming between him and Kerry.

He continued "I still love you though"

"What is that Smithy, some attempt to make me have an abortion so you can get back to having a casual relationship with me?" Kerry was disgusted by his words and in total disbelief that he would say something as shallow as what he was saying.

"Kerry I didn't mean it like that, what I meant to say is that I didn't want you to think I don't care about you. I'd give anything in this world to make me feel excited about this baby but I can't lie to you or myself. If you need any money or anything to buy a cot then I'm happy to give it to you but I just don't think I could be a father to your baby" It pained him more to say this than he first thought, showing his true feelings to Kerry was something of a rare occurrence, so why did they have to be feelings of resentment and bitterness?

Swallowing to clear her throat Kerry got up off of the sofa next to where Smithy had sat she looked him in the eye before proceeding to the door. Smithy quickly followed behind her like a young puppy eagerly following its owner.

Kerry opened the front door and stepped over the lintel on the floor.

"Thank you for offering to give me money, I'm grateful really I am but I can't take it. Its all or nothing Smithy and you choose nothing."

He watched her walk into the lobby and off into the street while all the time his head and heart were crying out to him to go after her but he didn't, he couldn't.

….

Once again the bed was cold as she slipped beneath its cotton sheets he body ached from the stresses and strains of the past few days and she prayed it wasn't having a negative effect on the baby she so lovingly harboured. The journey ahead she knew would be a long and lonely one but she loved this baby more than anything and that was all that mattered.

….

"Come to bed" A voice called in a seductive manner,

"I'm tired its been a long day Kezia" Smithy moaned as he fell into bed, notably a gap between both of their semi naked bodies.

Her arm draped over his warm skin and brushed down him in a tickling fashion.

Smithy couldn't get in the mood to do anything other than sleep; everything reminded him of Kerry from the arm making its way down the sheets to the body next to him.

A sensation pulled him out of his daze when he realised what Kezia was trying to do.

"I told you I'm not in the mood so why did you have to go one step further" He knew his tone sounded like a spoilt school boy as he tugged the sheet from underneath her and stormed into the lounge.

He knew he was being harsh but he was fed up of having to imagine it was Kerry doing those lewd things to him, why couldn't it be?


	3. The end is just the beginning

Growing Up

**Growing Up**

**Chapter Three**

Sorry its taken me so long to write I've had no inspiration or intention of carrying on, but you have LightSpirit to thank for that. Enjoy

* * *

'Just my luck' Smithy thought when Gina told him that CID was assisting with operations today. After giving Kezia the cold shoulder last night he was sure the animosity between them would still be as such alive this morning.

While waiting for Gina to collect the paperwork from the 50's grey filing cabinet that was neatly pushed in the corner he waited outside observing uniforms discussions.

"Kerry's late again" Honey gave with a disapproving manner to her voice. Out of the two Honey had been less forgiving to Kerry's recent behaviour than Yvonne whose reaction was most expected from Honey.

"Maybe we should go out for a drink tonight, us girls and try and cheer her up." Always the optimist she checked her phone hoping Kerry had left a message regarding her whereabouts.

"Cheer us up more like, even since Cameron and her split she's been like a wet weekend and that's not something you want in the middle of the summer" Honey criticized just before making her way up to CID leaving Yvonne to follow.

After hearing that Kerry hadn't turned up this morning Smithy reached into his pocket on the side of his utility belt and slid out a small silver phone. After scanning the phone book he reached her number, thumb hovering above the green button he was just about to call when a figure appeared in the corner of his eye; flustered and pale.

Ushering her away from viewing distance of Gina's window he folded his arms in a authoritative manner and began to ask Kerry of her whereabouts; before being able to precede a familiar husky voice interrupted him mid sentence.

"Ah Miss Young and where have we been for the past half an hour?" Her dark eyes boring into the young lady in front of her.

"Ma'am I was sick this morning" The mood intensified between Kerry and the tall man standing next to her as they waited for a response from the elder woman.

"Very well now get changed you'll be in CAD this morning until you feel better" Although her words rang true of a person who was concerned her tone couldn't be far different; both Kerry and Smithy were aware of the inquisitive tone that hung from the words.

….

"Have I done something to offend you Smithy? If I have I wish you would tell me" Kezia said harshly

Keeping his eye contact on the presentation in front of him, he muttered back "Its nothing, its just me"

"If I had a pound for every time a guy said that to me"

Smithy didn't even warrant her response with a reply, why couldn't she just back off and let him be? Then he realised that she was his girlfriend and that it was her job to nag. Funny that Kerry never did.

….

"Dean, you couldn't take over for me for a moment could you I just need to get an aspirin from the FME." Kerry asked, rubbing her head so as not to draw attention to the real reason she needed to exit the room.

Dean nodded in between calls, acknowledging this she exited swiftly.

On her way to the toilet Kerry bumped into Yvonne.

"Kerry, is everything alright?"

"Yeah its fine, why wouldn't it be?" Kerry replied, a little flustered.

"Its just that ever since Cameron left you've been a bit distant. Look me and honey are gonna' take you out tonight, cheer you up. Before you say no, I've already booked a table"

Kerry knew there was no way of getting out of this, so she simply agreed to meet Yvonne and Honey outside of the station after the shift.

….

"Well, we obviously need to talk about this Smithy. Lets go out tonight"

"Fine" he replied through gritted teeth as he scooped up the paper file in front of him and exited the room.

….

Women. Always late. It intensified Smithy's feelings of hate towards Kezia even more than he had been feeling. Things had been fine until Kerry dropped the bombshell, he didn't want this baby so why did he feel like that he wondered.

"To be honest, I never really thought they went together as a couple" Honey said to Kerry and Yvonne just as she turned around and saw who she was talking about. Her body language made it perfectly clear to Smithy that she was talking about him; even he couldn't deny it was a strange set up. It was decided, he couldn't carry on with Kezia anymore, and she deserved the truth.

Quickly realising that Smithy knew Honey quickly turned to Yvonne and Kerry.

"Shall we grab a seat?"

The other two simply laughed and followed.

"I'll have a white wine" Honey said to the waitress.

"Make that two" Yvonne added.

They both looked in Kerry's direction waiting for her to order but inside she panicked.

"Erm……….I'll just have a coke for now" Kerry added, making it seem as if she would move onto something else later.

"That's a first" Honey said with a hint of irony.

Kerry could only give a wan smile back.

Without realising, Kerry turned her back to look in Smithy's direction. Luckily he couldn't see but she couldn't help feel a hint of happiness when she saw he was still alone. Why though did he have to be here of all places?!

Yvonne spoke, causing Kerry to turn around sharply.

"Look Kerry, is everything alright. I speak for both of us when I say that were here for you if you need us"

Kerry smiled at the sincerity of her words and knew that a problem should was a problem halved.

"Im. Im pregnant" Kerry found herself saying at low volume.

"Oh" Honey said, not quite knowing what to say.

"Does Cameron know?" Yvonne asked.

Kerry felt a pang deep inside when it was obvious they both thought he was the father. She found a tear rolling down her cheek as she replied.

"Its not Cameron's, its someone else's. Smithy's.


	4. Second Chances?

"Smithy's

"Smithy's?" Honey said in complete shock; she carried on "What that Smithy, wham bam thank you mam Smithy?"

"Yeah, thanks for that Honey" Kerry replied as she stared into the abyss of her glass.

Feeling awkward Yvonne looked round at Smithy who was still perched in the same position as he was five minutes ago but instead getting more restless by the second.

"Does he know?" Yvonne asked

"Yeah, hence why he has been acting like a complete pillock."

"When did you tell him?" Honey asked, beginning to appear more understanding as she saw Kerry try and mask her tears

"The other night. He told me that he wanted to make a go of things with Kezia and he wasn't ready for a baby."

"Well, from what I saw in the briefing today, things could be over between them two pretty soon" Honey added.

"Well it doesn't matter now, he made his decision and it didn't involve me or the baby. Its his choice" For once Kerry was tired of fighting, instead she just slowly gave up.

….

"Kezia, I've been standing here for fifteen minutes like a total prat, where the hell are ya?...Well you could've let me know, cheers" Smithy moaned as he spoke to Kezia. Hanging up he ordered a beer, his first of many.

….

"Does anyone want another drink?" Yvonne asked as she ventured up to the bar

"I'm fine thanks" Kerry replied. "In fact I might go home, I'm pretty tired."

…

"Kerry" Smithy called out while shoving his phone in his pocket hastily

"Smithy, whatever you say I don't want to hear it" Kerry replied, brushing off the hand that found itself attached to her side.

"Please Kerry, I need to explain" Smithy took a deep breath in as Kerry faced him, staring into his green eyes with a confident yet harsh gaze. "I've acted without thinking and probably hurt you more than I care to think about. I understand if you don't give a toss but please let me explain why I've acted like a complete tosser to you"

"Why should I Smithy. I gave you a chance, I wanted you to take that chance, but you didn't and now I'm learning to cope on my own. That's just how it is"

"Please Kerry" Smithy was pleading with sincerity more than Kerry had ever seen, and this was why she thought it best he let her give the explanation he so wanted to.

"Ok Smithy, I'll let you come back and chat but you can't stay late, I'm tired"

Smithy simply nodded in agreement and followed Kerry down the route he knew so well.

When they arrived at kerrys, Smithy acted like it was a place he had never set foot in before. Instead of imbedding himself deeply in the sofa watchly Kerry's every move with a lustful gaze like yesteryear, he simply stood awkwardly in the middle of the lounge, palms sweating as he rubbed them against the front of his blue baggy jeans.

Kerry looked at Smithy with a quizzical gaze as she handed him the coffee she has been making,

"You know you can sit down"

kerry watched Smithy intently as he chose a seat to sit in. She felt a pang of pain in her heart as she watched him sit in the armchair in the corner of the room, the place where so many of their drunken fumbles ended up, neither of them able to wait long enough to reach the bedroom.

"I don't know how to say what i want to say or what to say so I'm just gonna' say everything" Smithy declared, Kerry went to acknowledge this but he carried on.

"When you told me i was pregnant i panicked i didn't know what to do or what to say but i shouldn't have used my relationship with Kezia as an excuse. I told you i couldn't do the baby thing as me and Kezia were gonna make a go of it. Well i was lying, she wanted to make a go of it but i only ever wanted a bit of fun i didn't want a relationship. The reason i backed out is because i'm scared. I've failed every relationship i've ever been in or attempted, i haven't got the first clue about kids or babies and i can't see myself being a good dad"

Smithy's sincerity brought a cloudy mist over Kerry's bright eyes,

"I wish you told me this rather than lying to me Smithy. Everything you said applies to me too, if my relationships were successful i wouldn't be sitting here now pregnant by a one night stand, i don't know much about babies or whether id be a good mum but what i do know is that i will love this baby more than anything in the world, it didn't ask to be created but its my responsibility, our responsibility to care for it"

"I know, and that's why, if you'll still let me have a chance to be its dad"


	5. Suppressed feelings

Growing Up

**Growing Up**

**Chapter Five**

**Five Months Later**

Smithy stared at the screen, his eyes transfixed at the wonder that was moving before him; his baby. Every time he accompanied Kerry on her ante-natal visits he felt an overwhelming sense of pride, especially when it was time for her to have a scan. The last five months hadn't been easy for either of them, a lot of growing up had to be dome and there differences put aside for the sake of their baby. Most of all Smithy noticed the difference in Kerry, not the physical difference even thought that had been a somewhat drastic change but the mental difference; she was happy, more than happy. Kerry shot Smithy a warm smile as she looked from the screen to him and he clasped her hand tight, as if to say 'Yep, amazing isn't it'. Both were brought out of their warm bubble by the sound of the sonographer,

"Have you decided whether you want to know the sex of the baby yet?"

Kerry looked back at Smithy for confirmation and smiled as she replied,

"No, we decided we wanted it to be a surprise"

"Ok then, I'll just print off a couple of frames and clean you up"

Once the gel had been cleaned off of Kerry's swollen stomach Smithy let go of his grip allowing her to re-do up her jeans and tidy up. Mobility wasn't as easy as it previously had been for Kerry so swivelling her legs round she slid of the bed with every ounce of care.

….

"Erm, do you want dropping off back at your flat or do you need to go anywhere?" Smithy asked Kerry casually. There relationship may now be amicable but it was also strictly platonic, one of the guidelines he had been set by Kerry as way of apology.

"Well I was going to see if you fancied grabbing some lunch, I need to go to town as well finish getting things for the baby, now I know everything's ok."

"Yeah, why not" Smithy smiled as he fastened his seat belt.

…

"I've been having a think about how were going to do this parenting thing, and I don't want this baby to feel like its growing up in a broken home, spending most days with me then every other weekend at yours. I know it wont be easy what with your shifts but, I want you to know that you can see the baby whenever you want Smithy you don't have to schedule a day, and that goes without saying when they're older as well."

Acknowledging this Smithy smiled and replied, "Yeah, whatever you want, its fine with me"

"Its not what I want, its not what I want at all, but its what our baby will want. We both know what its like to grow up only really having one parent, do we really want that for our baby?"

" No we don't" Again Smithy smiled, more deeply and sincerely than before. Something inside knew that the old Kerry was back and she sure as hell was taking control over her life again.

"I also think that perhaps my mum and your dad should meet, if they're going to share a grandchild I think they should at least meet!" Kerry said, in that same dry sense of humour that Smithy found so attractive.

"Sounds good to me!" he replied.

"I'm really scared Dale, I knew it was going to be a challenge but I'm really scared"

Smithy took Kerry's tender hand, clasping it between both of his and replied.

"Me too but we're not in this alone. Every step I'm with you, I promise"

Kerry felt comforted by his words and placed her other hand on top of his, she remembered how she had told her dad that Smithy was her 'knight in shining armour' she was right. Deep down, she felt a pain, a yearning for so much more but for the sake of their baby she hid those feelings.

Both of them sat silent, neither needing to say a word, they were content as they were. She was so beautiful and everyday he loved her more but he couldn't tell her, no matter he much he wanted to. There were times when the frustration grew too strong and he wanted to let her know, there and then how he felt but he remembered how hurt Kerry had been when she imposed the rules on him, and because of that love he suppressed those feelings once again.

* * *

As you can see I skipped a fair chunk, but I was bored with Kerry hating him and the story had to progress, you might be pleased to hear that it gets fluffier from here!

Please R+R, I'm greatly appreciative of feedback as that helps me write more!

Cheeeerrrss


	6. Express Delivery

Firstly let me start by pointing out the rather obvious typo in the previous chapter

Firstly let me start by pointing out the rather obvious typo in the previous chapter. Its meant to say that Kerry's dad and Smithy's mum should meet, not vice versa!

Enjoy!

**Growing Up**

**Chapter Six**

Kerry wrapped the black silk sash across the top of her bump and adjusted her dress so it allowed as much movement as was humanly possible at this stage.

Seeing his reflection in the mirror she smiled to herself once again.

"Kerry we've got to leave in five minutes" Smithy pressurized as he looked at his watch for the fifth time that minute.

"I'm ready!" Kerry announced as she waddled into his lounge and picked up her bag.

As Kerry began to get her caught on she gave a small grant and winced.

"Are you alright?" Smithy asked, concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine honestly. I've had it day and all night, its only because the head is engaged Smithy stop worrying" Kerry smiled again, determined not to let the pain ruin such an important night.

"If you don't feel up to it I'm sure our parents will understand, you are due in a couple of weeks!"

Kerry shot Smithy back a stern gaze and he knew not to press the matter any further.

Just as Smithy began to pick up his keys he noticed the look on Kerry's face.

"Kerry?"

Before answering him she reached under her dress and felt around.

"I think my waters have just broken" Kerry replied with sheer panic across her face.

Flailing around, Smithy grabbed her bag and coat from her as she made her way to the bathroom. His hands were slightly shaking as he dialled his mums number.

"Mum, really sorry but we're gonna' have to cancel dinner I think Kerry's just gone into labour"

**30 Minutes Later**

Kerry lay across the leather sofa in little more than a baggy T-shirt; Smithy meanwhile began to dial St Hughes for the fourth time. Just as he was about to give up once again a voice appeared on the other end.

"St Hughes Maternity Department" said the soft Irish accent.

"My, erm…partner is in labour" Smithy stuttered

"What's her name?"

"Kerry Young"

"Ok, well I'm afraid we don't have any delivery suites available at the moment and as far as I'm aware neither do St James. If you give us your contact details we'll phone as soon as possible" Even though she spoke politely Smithy couldn't believe what he had just been told.

"What so I'm meant to leave her like this am I while we wait for a bed. I knew the NHS was overstretched but this is bloody ridiculous" Although it wasn't necessarily the midwifes fault Smithy couldn't help but seem frustrated.

"As I said I'll call you when a bed becomes available Sir" and with that he put the phone down.

As Smithy walked back into the lounge he noticed that Kerry had now buried her face deeply into one of the oversized cushions, feeling Smithy's hand on her arm she pulled it away and looked helplessly at him.

"I've spoke to St Hughes and we just have to wait for a bed" He replied, stroking her hair out of her face.

"I can't wait anymore Smithy I need an epidural" She cried, pulling the cushion over her face again.

Leaving Kerry alone once more he returned to the kitchen and picked up the phone once more, this time dialling his mum.

"Mum, I need your help I've no idea what I'm meant to do. St Hughes haven't got any spaces for her and the contractions just keep coming"

"How long has she been in labour for?" Pauline asked her son

"Erm, her waters broke about half an hour ago but she said she's been having pains since last night"

"Christ Smithy!"

"Thanks mum, that makes me feel a lot more reassured"

"Do you want me to come round?"

"No its fine, I can handle it just tell me what to do" Smithy said in a persistent tone.

"If it seems like the baby is about to come before you get to hospital, call an ambulance!"

"Cheers" Smithy said, slightly disheartened. Surely women know more about childbirth than that.

Smithy was brought out of his frustrations by the sound of Kerry calling his name.

"Smithy, please help me" She winced as she buried her head into his side

Soothing her he kissed her forehead.

"It feels like the babies' coming Dale" Kerry groaned just before letting out a muffled scream.

"Shit" Smithy whispered under his breath, "Where's the phone..."

"Huh" Kerry said, looking up from the floor where she was now situated.

"Nothing, can't you just you know close your legs or something until I get some help" Smithy said in desperation.

"Maybe I should have done that in the first place, then I wouldn't be in this _fucking _pain" Kerry snapped back.

"Ok, look I'm calling an ambulance now" Smithy replied pointing at his phone.

"Its too late Smithy just put the phone down"

Obediently, Smithy placed the phone on the coffee table and sat down beside Kerry.

"Smithy I need to push _now, _you might want to get some old towels"

As quickly as he could Smithy rushed to the airing cupboard and scooped up the first bail of towels he could find, regardless of how new they were.

By the time he walked back into the living room Kerry chin was nestled down into her chest as she pushed for the umpteenth time, relaxing for a brief second she took in a deep breath and repeated. Smithy slid some towels underneath her and threw one over the radiator for when the baby arrived. As she began to push once more Smithy took hold of her hand and smoothed back her hair. Instead of silently pushing as she had before Kerry let out a yelp, Smithy knew that from this moment his life was about to change forever. A whole-hearted cry filled the room as Kerry picked up the bundle that lay between her legs; exhausted she fell back onto Smithy's torso and rested her head against her chest before bringing the bundle up to hers. Being careful not to disturb the now calm baby Smithy leant gently over to the radiator and pulled off the warm towel. As carefully as possible he placed the blanket over the little ones body and kissed its mother on the head.

"What is it?" Smithy whispered into Kerry's ear.

Laughing at how wrapped up she had been in the sheer excitement, Kerry replied " I have no idea"

As gently as she could Kerry peered and her baby and smiled,

"It's a girl Smithy!"

"My girls" Smithy quipped as he stroked the tiny head that lay peacefully on her mother chest.

* * *

A nice long, fluffy chapter for you all as I haven't updated much lately

Xx Enjoy!


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